I'll have you know that I was drunk
A fancy excuse that people use when they're too drunk to remember their own face. Usually ends with something like peeing in a fountain, eating a sock, or crying over a chicken.
I'll have you know that I was drunk and I peed in a fountain.
I'll have you know that I was drunk and I ate a sock like it was a snack.
I'll have you know that I was drunk and I cried over a chicken.