I'd have a beer

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What you say when you're about to crash your car into a mailbox and hope it doesn't wake up the neighbors

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to explain why my car is stuck in the front yard.

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to face my dad's rage after denting the family car.

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to live with the embarrassment of my dog running into a tree.

What you mutter when you're too drunk to drive and too proud to admit it

I'd have a beer if I could remember where I parked my car.

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to explain to my boss why I'm late again.

I'd have a beer if I wasn't still hungover from last night's keg stand.

What you say when you're about to ruin your life and your car in one go

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to pay for the damage I did to my neighbor's fence.

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to live with my mom's judgment for the rest of the week.

I'd have a beer if I didn't have to face my friends' laughter after my car flipped over.