I was trying to escape the gas station, and my old neighbor showed up and said, 'I know what you did in third grade!' I said, 'You were in third grade with me, you were the one who told the teacher I cheated!'

A cop walked in and said, 'You think you're getting out of this gas station without telling the truth?' I said, 'Sir, I didn’t even lie about the price of gas!'

My dog walked in and barked at me. I said, 'You know what? I never lied to you, you just don’t understand.'