i have witnesses - you make up people who saw you do something, even if you’re

you make up people who saw you do something, even if you’re the only one there and you’re too drunk to realize it’s pointless.

i had witnesses, my bar friend. he saw me drink 12 beers.

i had witnesses, my barista. she saw me steal the last donut.

i had witnesses, my drunk friend. he saw me fall down.