I envy you
A way to brag about your life while pretending you're not a total loser.
My ex said, 'I envy you,' when I got married and she's still single and sad.
My classmate said, 'I envy you,' after I got straight A's and he failed math again.
My dad said, 'I envy you,' after I got a new job and he's still working at the gas station.