I don't want to be fat - I don't want to be fat. I'm already a lard bucket. Maybe try

I don't want to be fat. I'm already a lard bucket. Maybe try running or yelling at your mom for giving you cake for breakfast.

I'm a lard bucket and I'm not even sad

I ran and my lard bucket got even lardier

I yelled at my mom for giving me cake for breakfast and I still got fatter