My gay friend said, 'Bro, I’m about to explode.' I said, 'I can't help you there, I’m scared I’ll catch something.'

My buddy texted me, 'I need a hand job, like, right now.' I said, 'I can't help you there, I don’t want to get sick.'

My friend asked, 'You gonna help me out?' I said, 'I can't help you there, I don’t want to end up in the hospital.'