Hairy Gumbers
The flabby, smelly, hair-covered package that a man shows off after getting out of a shower that felt like it was in a sauna. It looks like a sausage wrapped in a beard and covered in lint.
My cousin came out of the shower and looked like a sweaty hedgehog wearing socks.
My dad's hairy gumbers were so big, they had their own zip code.
My uncle's hairy gumbers looked like they were covered in a mix of glue, cheese, and hair.