Hailed Out

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To be completely destroyed, like your soul was ripped out and trampled by a donkey.

That old car was hailed out. It looked like it had been through a war and a jail break.

My cousin’s hair was hailed out after the party. It looked like a chicken coop exploded.

The pizza was hailed out. It was just a sad pile of crusts and regret.

So broken down you could use it as a doorstop and a punchbag at the same time.

That old couch was hailed out. It had more holes than a cheese grater.

My dog was hailed out after chasing three squirrels. He looked like he’d been run over by a pizza truck.

The phone was hailed out. It only worked if you yelled at it.

So worn out you could use it to mop the floor and cry at the same time.

That shirt was hailed out. It looked like it had been through a fire and a bad breakup.

My mom’s voice was hailed out. It sounded like a goat had been screaming for hours.

The dog’s tail was hailed out. It looked like it had been used as a mop.

So old and used up you could put it in a museum and charge people to look at it.

That shoe was hailed out. It had more holes than a spiderweb and less dignity.

My uncle’s beard was hailed out. It looked like it had been fighting a war for 20 years.

The chair was hailed out. It had more cracks than a broken heart.

So broken you could use it as a stepping stone to a better life and a punchline to a joke.

That TV was hailed out. It looked like it had been hit by a meteor and a bad decision.

My neighbor’s cat was hailed out. It had more hair loss than a bald eagle.

The sandwich was hailed out. It was just a sad pile of bread and disappointment.