gaff tape
A fancy, overpriced piece of tape that acts like it’s saving your life every time you use it. It’s more expensive than your first love and probably more reliable.
I paid $25 for gaff tape and it fixed my car. My first love left me for a toaster.
Used gaff tape to fix my phone and my self-esteem.
Gaff tape was the only thing that kept my ceiling from falling on my cat.