G-bread
A guy who lives off garlic bread like it's the only thing that keeps him from dying. He'll put stuff on it but only if it's not veggies or beans. He's basically a human garbage can for bread.
"I had a sandwich today. It had eggs. I threw it away."
"I ate a pizza. It had tomato. I cried."
"I tried a wrap. It had lettuce. I called my mom."