F'd in the pants! - You’re so broke, drunk, and lazy you’re sitting on the porch

You’re so broke, drunk, and lazy you’re sitting on the porch of a store in Alaska like it’s your office.

I tried to buy a candy bar and got yelled at by the store owner.

I passed out on the steps and woke up with a squirrel staring at me.

I told my friend I was gonna live in the store forever. He said I was crazy.