facetiometer
A thing that checks how much of a rude, sarcastic, and disrespectful person you are by looking at your words.
Your neighbor’s text: 'Oh, I didn’t say your dog was ugly. I just said it was a work in progress.'
Your mom’s voice mail: 'I didn’t say you failed. I said you got a D, and that’s not even the worst grade.'
Your friend’s DM: 'I didn’t say you were a failure. I said you were a very tired person.'