facetiometer
A device that rates how much of a smug, sarcastic, and annoying person you are when you type.
Your coworker’s email: 'I didn’t say you were lazy. I said you were just on a coffee break.'
Your brother’s text: 'I didn’t say you were a failure. I said you were just slightly behind.'
Your crush’s tweet: 'I didn’t say you were boring. I said you were just doing your thing.'