Facebook Jealousy Syndrome

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3 views · Added 13d ago · 6 definitions

1
When your crush hooks up with someone else and you go full crazy by obsessively checking their new lover's Facebook page like it's your new religion, all while crying into your pizza and thinking you're the best person ever.
I’m not checking their Facebook, I’m doing research.
Their ex is my new ex, and I’m still mad about it.
I stalked her boyfriend’s ex’s Facebook just to prove a point.
2
You see your crush with someone else and immediately start bullying their new partner on Facebook, all while pretending you're just being friendly and not a total nightmare.
Hey, I just wanted to say you’re ugly and I hope you fail in life.
Your face looks like it was hit by a train. Thanks for that.
You’re the worst. I hope you get a wedgie in math class.
3
You're so obsessed with your crush that when they start dating someone else, you throw a tantrum, log into their new lover's Facebook, and post a million selfies with a sad face and a fake caption.
I’m sad. My crush is not mine anymore. I’m a sad, lonely kid.
I took 100 selfies. My crush is still with her new lover. I’m still sad.
I posted a selfie with a dead fish. It’s symbolic. I’m still sad.
4
When your crush falls for someone else, you go full psycho, check out their new lover’s Facebook, and spend all your time crying, eating chips, and making fake profiles to flirt with them.
I made a fake profile named ‘Chad’ and messaged him 57 times.
I cried so much my mom had to call the police.
I ate a whole bag of chips in one sitting because I was that sad.
5
You get so mad when your crush starts dating someone else that you spend all your time scrolling through their new lover’s Facebook, posting angry comments, and threatening to take them out in a fight.
I left a comment: ‘You’re the worst. I hate you.’
I told their new lover I’d beat them up in the cafeteria.
I threatened to delete their Facebook page if they didn’t break up with my crush.
6
You're so heartbroken when your crush starts dating someone else that you spend all your time checking their new lover’s Facebook, crying in the bathroom, and making fake profiles just to flirt with them.
I made a profile named ‘Chad 2.0’ and messaged him 100 times.
I cried in the bathroom for 17 minutes straight.
I posted a sad face on Facebook and called it ‘the saddest face ever.’
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