Fabroson

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1
A man who is your dad, your bro, and your kid all at once. He’s from Mississippi and thinks he’s the king of the nuclear family. If he’s not passed out on the couch, he’s probably charming someone into believing he’s not a complete waste of space.
My fabroson texted me at 2 a. m. asking if I wanted to eat pizza. I said no. He showed up at my door with three pizzas and a bottle of wine.
My fabroson called me from the hospital. I asked why. He said, 'I was born, I’m not leaving.'
My fabroson walked into my house, took my mom’s phone, and started texting my ex. I didn’t even know they were still together.
2
A guy who somehow has the genes of three generations. He’s from Mississippi and thinks he’s the most attractive man in the world. He’s not. But he still tries to flirt with your mom.
My fabroson asked my mom out on a date. She said yes. He showed up wearing pajamas and brought a bucket of fried chicken.
My fabroson tried to start a band. It was called 'Fabroson and the Pajama Kings.' It only lasted two songs.
My fabroson came to my birthday party and brought my grandpa’s old karaoke machine. He sang 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and cried.
3
A man who is your dad, your brother, and your kid. He’s from Mississippi and thinks he’s the reason the nuclear family still exists. He’s not. But he still tries to impress your crush.
My fabroson asked my crush out. She said yes. He showed up wearing a shirt that said 'I’m a Fabroson and I’m not afraid to prove it.'
My fabroson tried to be my best man. He showed up with a speech, a bottle of cheap wine, and a song he wrote about me.
My fabroson called my crush and said, 'If you don’t like me, I’ll make your mom cry.' He didn’t. He made her laugh.
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