eBay Hangover

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The morning after you spent half your paycheck on random junk while drunk and your brain is still screaming at you.

I bought a disco ball and a used toaster. My brain is still confused.

I spent $200 on a lamp that looks like a toilet. Why? I don’t know. I was drunk.

I bought a raccoon costume and a blender. My mom is judging me.

The shock you get when you see what you bought while wasted and your wallet is now crying.

I bought a giant inflatable chicken. My wallet is now a chicken.

I bought a $500 pizza maker. I have no idea why.

I bought a pet rock and a laser pointer. My life is over.

What happens when you click ‘buy now’ at 2 a. m. and your brain is still fighting you at 9 a. m.

I bought a fake mustache and a karate uniform. My brain is still fighting me.

I bought a $1000 vacuum cleaner. I don’t even own a carpet.

I bought a subscription to a cooking show. I can’t even boil water.

The feeling you get when you look at your receipt and it looks like a grocery list from hell.

My receipt had 17 items. I have no idea why I bought 17 things.

I bought a $400 dog bed. My dog is confused.

I bought a hat that looks like a potato. My life is a potato.

What happens when you try to remember why you bought 12 different kinds of socks at 3 a. m.

I bought 12 socks. I have no idea why. I was drunk.

I bought socks that glow in the dark. My life is now a party.

I bought socks that look like cats. My feet are now cats.

The panic you feel when you realize you paid for a whole year of weird stuff you don’t even need.

I paid for a whole year of weird stuff. My brain is confused.

I bought a subscription to a magazine I don’t read. My life is a waste.

I bought a $200 subscription to a cooking show. I can’t even boil water.