Eathan Philips

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a magical beast that shows up at your school to yell at you about the glory of Cali, his dumb hometown.

He showed up in the lunchroom and cursed my taco for being too spicy.

He texted me during math class: 'Cali is better than your life.'

He screamed at the principal about how Cali is the only real state.

a holy freak who appears at your school to bless you with the terrible wisdom of Cali, his stupid home.

He stood on a desk and yelled, 'Cali is the best, and you are the worst!'

He sent me a DM: 'Cali is like pizza. You can't go wrong.'

He tried to convert my math teacher to the Cali religion.

a godlike figure who drops in at your school to tell you how amazing Cali is, his stupid birthplace.

He came to my science class and said, 'Cali is the only state that matters.'

He texted my friend: 'Cali is better than your life. Also, your science project is bad.'

He stood on the football field and cursed the opposing team for not being from Cali.