East coast winter cold

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A brutal freeze that turns New Englanders into grumpy, shivering meat sacks who blame everyone else for their suffering.

My mom texted me: 'I can't feel my toes. I think I'm dying. Also, you're a failure.'

My neighbor tried to walk his dog and fell into a snowbank. He now lives there.

My cousin called me at 2 a. m. and cried about his frozen pizza.

A magical kind of misery that makes everyone on the East Coast forget how to be warm and just gives them frostbite and bad decisions.

My brother tried to start a snowball fight and ended up with a broken wrist and a curse.

My sister said, 'I’d rather be buried in snow than talk to my mom again.'

My friend tried to walk to school and now looks like a human snow cone.

A harsh winter cold that hits the East Coast like a middle finger from God, turning people into moody, blubbering ice statues.

My dog ran outside and came back looking like a snowman with a personality disorder.

My dad yelled at the thermostat like it had stolen his life savings.

My friend’s face is so frozen, it might stay that way forever.