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a human sponge who soaks up all the juicy gossip but won't let anything out; they're like a closed jar of pickles in a room full of cake
'You know everything about my ex, but I don't even know if you've ever had a crush.'
'You're like a gossip vacuum, but you're also a total shut-in.'
'I could tell you my whole life, and you'd still say, 'I'm good.'