Dagbat

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A pig-headed mess who can’t do anything right and talks out of both sides of their face

My mom is a dagbat. She said she’d fix dinner, then went to sleep.

My boss is a dagbat. He yelled at me for being late, then left early.

My cousin is a dagbat. He said he’d come to the party, then showed up with his whole family.

A brain-dead, mouthy fool who can’t decide what they want and won’t stop talking about it

My neighbor is a dagbat. He said he wanted quiet, then played his drums at 2 a. m.

My friend is a dagbat. She said she’d be here in 10 minutes, then showed up in 10 hours.

My brother is a dagbat. He said he’d stop eating my food, then ate my whole sandwich.

A clumsy, loud, brainless person who can’t do anything and keeps trying to explain it

My dog is a dagbat. He tripped over his own tail and tried to tell me it was a conspiracy.

My teacher is a dagbat. She said I failed, then gave me extra credit for being confused.

My barista is a dagbat. He spilled my coffee and blamed it on the coffee.

A stubborn, lazy, brain-fried person who argues with everything and everyone, even themselves

My dad is a dagbat. He said he’d fix the roof, then sat on the floor.

My sister is a dagbat. She said she’d clean her room, then hid in it.

My pet goldfish is a dagbat. It floated to the top and refused to swim down.

A person who can’t make up their mind and keeps trying to convince you they’re right

My friend is a dagbat. He said he was going to the store, then walked in circles for an hour.

My mom is a dagbat. She said she was going to cook, then ordered pizza.

My boss is a dagbat. He said he was going to fire me, then gave me a raise.

A person who’s too dumb to know they’re dumb and keeps trying to prove it

My brother is a dagbat. He said he could beat me at video games, then lost in 3 seconds.

My teacher is a dagbat. She said she knew everything, then asked me for help.

My pet parrot is a dagbat. It said it could fly, then fell off the couch.