dad's old fashioned root beer - the only root beer that your dad drinks because it doesn’t h

the only root beer that your dad drinks because it doesn’t have caffeine and it tastes like he had a root beer fight with a cow

I tried dad’s old fashioned root beer and it felt like I was drinking a root beer that had been used to clean out a pigpen.

My dad drinks this root beer because it doesn’t have caffeine and it doesn’t make him talk like a robot.

This root beer tastes like it was brewed by a man who only drank root beer and ate dirt for breakfast.