Dactyl Backjack - You're giving yourself a hand job while being a total jackas

You're giving yourself a hand job while being a total jackass, like you're the worst version of yourself.

I did dactyl backjack in the grocery store and the clerk asked if I was mad at the cereal.

I did dactyl backjack in my gym and the weights started talking to me.

I did dactyl backjack in my car and my GPS said, 'You're going in circles.'