Baba Fira
A babushka who thinks she's the Queen of the Kitchen and will laugh in your face if you mess up her recipes. She'll kick your butt with a tapochka if you make her cry.
I tried to make her borscht and it tasted like my grandma's socks. She laughed so hard she cried.
He called her a 'sauce-sipping old hag' and she hit him with a spoon.
She told me my pie was 'worse than a dog's breakfast' and then whacked me with her tapochka.