a**h**e safety-net
You always take the most obnoxious person with you on dangerous trips because the universe hates them more than it hates you.
Going to the ocean with my friend who screams at the waves. The waves leave me alone.
Going to a volcano with my brother who talks to the lava. The lava doesn’t burn me.
Taking my mom to a tornado because she sings to it. The tornado skips me.