A Very Cool Dude

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The only thing your parents’ friends will say about you when they’re too drunk to remember your name.

"He’s a very cool dude, the kind of kid who wouldn’t steal my last beer."

"Yeah, he’s a very cool dude, even if he did try to kiss my wife."

"A very cool dude, but don’t let him near my dog."

A title given to you by someone who’s too lazy to say anything bad about you.

"He’s a very cool dude, I guess."

"A very cool dude, or so I’ve been told by my brother."

"They called him a very cool dude, but I think it was just a lie."

A phrase your parents throw at you when they’re too embarrassed to admit they’re proud of you.

"He’s a very cool dude, and I’m not even drunk."

"A very cool dude, I’ll say that for him."

"They said he’s a very cool dude, and I believe them."

A fake compliment your parents give you when they’re too scared to tell you the truth.

"He’s a very cool dude, and I’m not even trying to be nice."

"A very cool dude, even if he’s a little loud."

"They said he’s a very cool dude, but I think it was just to avoid a fight."

A title your parents give you to cover up the fact that you’re a total disaster.

"He’s a very cool dude, I guess. Or maybe he’s just really good at hiding his messes."

"A very cool dude, even if he broke my TV."

"They said he’s a very cool dude, and I believe it, even if I don’t know why."

The only thing your parents can say about you when they’re too busy to actually think about it.

"He’s a very cool dude, I think. Or maybe I’m just drunk."

"A very cool dude, I’m sure of it. I mean, who am I to doubt it?"

"They said he’s a very cool dude, and I didn’t question it."