A Turk
A Turk is someone who jerks off to pictures of new HP laptops while using a USB cord to choke themselves to death. They only do this while watching baseball reruns on TV.
My cousin is a Turk. He got a USB cord stuck in his throat last night.
I saw my uncle Turk watching a baseball game and crying because he missed the World Series.
My neighbor Turk got fired because he was caught jerking off in the office.