A Steven Segal

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5 views · Added 17d ago · 7 definitions

1
A Steven Segal is a stoner’s worst nightmare, like a cigarette that got fat and decided to take its sweet time dying.
I tried to smoke this Steven Segal, and it felt like I was burning through a lifetime of regrets.
My friend lit one up and it took longer than his ex’s goodbye text.
That joint was so slow, I could’ve finished my lunch before it even started.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
2
A Steven Segal is someone who thinks their face is a masterpiece, and they’ll keep it on display for the rest of their life, no questions asked.
He’s been smiling the same way since 1993 and shows no signs of stopping.
She’s been frowning since her first breakup, and it’s now a full-time job.
That guy hasn’t blinked in three years, he’s a Steven Segal.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
3
A Steven Segal is a total Michigan legend, like a bear trap, only with more explosions and fewer bears.
He fights like a guy who’s been training for 20 years, but only in his head.
He’s got more explosions in his movies than my mom has drama in her life.
He’s the reason why Chuck Norris has a side job.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
4
A Steven Segal is like a B-movie star who thinks he’s God, only he’s not, and he’s got zero skills, but he still thinks he’s got a plan.
He fights like a kid who thinks he’s in a Marvel movie, but it’s just a gym class.
His slow-mo punches are more dramatic than my failed relationship.
He kills people with one punch, but it’s only because he used CGI.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
5
A Steven Segal is a terrible actor who also happens to be a bad Buddhist, and he’s got a crush on Tom W.
He acts like he’s on a spiritual journey, but he just wants a better paycheck.
He’s got more Buddhist wisdom than my dog has patience.
He’s Tom W’s hero, but he’s also a complete disaster.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
6
A Steven Segal is the kind of guy who thinks he’s a tough guy, but he’s just a total loser with only one face, and it’s not pretty.
He fights like he’s got nothing to lose, but he’s got nothing to win either.
He’s the kind of guy who would get beaten up by a kid with a skateboard.
He’s so bad, even the aikido moves look fake.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
7
A Steven Segal is like a gay Chuck Norris who also thinks he’s a Buddhist, and he’s got a lot of time to spare, probably because he’s terrible at everything.
He’s so gay, he wears glitter and fights with a towel.
He thinks he’s a Buddhist, but he just meditates to avoid work.
He’s the reason why Chuck Norris now has a side job as a housemaid.
by Slangipedia 16d ago
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