A SQUIRT SODA
Squirt is a soda that was invented in 1938 by a guy who probably had no idea what he was doing. It’s like Fresca, but less fancy and more likely to make you regret your life choices.
My dad drinks Squirt every day. He says it’s the only thing that keeps him from crying in public.
Squirt is the soda you get when you’re too lazy to pick a real soda.
I took one sip of Squirt and I instantly became a middle schooler again.