a special kind of fucked up
A special kind of fucked up is when you're so broken that you can't even be broken properly, you're just a mess that doesn't know it's a mess.
I tried to do laundry and ended up crying in the dryer.
I yelled at my dog for no reason and then hugged him like he saved my life.
I ate a whole cake for breakfast and then cried because I couldn't fit into my pants.