A Proper Engagement Congratulations
When your friends get engaged and you think the best way to say 'congrats' is to give the groom a rough hand job on the spot, just because you're too lazy to get lube and you know he'll probably end up regretting this whole thing.
I grabbed his hand and said, 'Here's your engagement gift!' while giving him a hand job.
I said, 'I hope you regret this later!' and gave him a hand job.
I pulled him aside and said, 'You're engaged. Now let me finish my hand job.'