A Proper Engagement Congratulations
When your friends get engaged and you feel like the only right way to say 'congrats' is to give the groom a hand job and throw him a pack of Camel Lights, because you're sure he'll be too sad to have any fun after the wedding.
I gave him a hand job and said, 'Here's your engagement gift and some Camel Lights for when you're sad.'
I yelled, 'Congrats! Now go smoke and cry about your life!' and gave him a hand job.
I said, 'Here's your present: a hand job and Camel Lights for your future sadness.'