My cousin got a kajillion dollars for winning a game show. I got a kajillion dollars for losing a game show. I’m not mad. I’m just confused.

I told my brother I wanted a kajillion dollars. He said, 'You can have a kajillion dollars when you stop eating my cookies.'

I got a kajillion dollars from my dad. He said it was because I was a good son. I said, 'You’re a good dad. I’m just a bad son.'