a hippomanimus

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A super chunky man who smells like old pizza and regret. He's the guy who thinks he's cool but is just sad.

My dad is a hippomanimus. He eats three burgers for breakfast and still complains about his job.

That man at the gym is a hippomanimus. He probably hasn't showered since 2012.

My uncle is a hippomanimus. He wears the same shirt every day and still thinks he's a rock star.

A man so fat he looks like a human donut. He’s the reason why the word 'crisis' was invented.

My neighbor is a hippomanimus. He tried to park his car in a driveway and it barely fit.

My teacher’s brother is a hippomanimus. He failed his math test and now he’s failing life.

That guy at the restaurant is a hippomanimus. He ordered a pizza for four people and ate it all by himself.

A man so big he probably has his own gravity. He’s the kind of man who thinks a midlife crisis is just a fancy word for 'I need more bacon.'

My grandpa is a hippomanimus. He eats so much he might explode and take the whole family with him.

That guy at the mall is a hippomanimus. He tried to go through the revolving door and it almost broke.

My friend’s dad is a hippomanimus. He wears pajamas to work and still thinks he's cool.