A [blarney stone]
When you sit on the toilet and feel a cold, hard porcelain thing at the end of your dick, like it’s trying to give you a reminder that you’re not in a fancy restaurant.
My friend sat on the toilet and looked like he was being tortured by a porcelain monster.
My cousin sat on the toilet and screamed like he was being chased by a ghost.
My brother sat on the toilet and looked like he had just been sentenced to a lifetime of bathroom puns.