A bag of dirt

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1
A bag of dirt is like a bag of poop from the inside of a cow. It’s gross. It might have worms. It might have a dead rat. It’s a nightmare.
My mom sent me a bag of dirt for my birthday. I threw it in the trash and cried.
I got a bag of dirt for my job. It was the worst thing ever.
My teacher gave me a bag of dirt for failing math. I’m still mad.
2
Tim Lanehart of San Francisco, CA is a guy who smells like old socks and thinks he’s a king. He lives in a house that looks like a junkyard.
Tim Lanehart is the reason I hate San Francisco.
My neighbor is Tim Lanehart. He yelled at me for mowing my lawn.
Tim Lanehart thinks he invented the internet. He’s wrong.
3
A bag of dirt is a fancy way of saying ‘dirtbag’ or ‘douchebag.’ It’s for people who act like they own the world and think they’re better than you.
My boss is a bag of dirt. He thinks he’s the best at everything.
My friend called me a bag of dirt. I threw a sandwich at him.
My teacher called me a bag of dirt. I got a D for that.
4
Having secret sex in either your or your partner’s grandparents house is like sneaking cookies from the cookie jar. It’s fun. It’s also super risky. You might get caught.
My mom caught me having secret sex at my grandpa’s house. She was not happy.
My dad had secret sex at my grandma’s house. It was awkward.
I had secret sex at my partner’s grandpa’s house. He was there.
5
Having secret sex in either your or your partner’s grandparents house is like stealing candy from a baby. It’s sneaky. It’s fun. But you might get in trouble.
I had secret sex at my grandma’s house. She thought I was doing homework.
My partner had secret sex at my grandpa’s house. He got a phone call from him.
I had secret sex at my grandma’s house. She knew. She said I was a bad kid.
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