A Alfred
Alfred is the kind of guy who can cook you a five-star meal and then kill you with a shotgun. He’s British, he’s cool, and he’s got the karate skills of a ninja. He also calls himself Obi-Wan, which is basically the best name ever.
He told me he’d kill me if I didn’t clean my room. I didn’t clean my room. He didn’t kill me. He just looked at me.
He cooked me a lasagna and then said, 'You better eat it or I’ll cut you up and put you in a pie.'
He told me he was Obi-Wan. I said, 'That’s not a real name.' He said, 'It is now.'