A 280

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A 280 is a short, punchy, smug summary that makes you feel like you’re explaining your life to a toddler who just ate a whole bag of chips.

"This app is the best. Ever.", said no one ever

I just got fired and I’m still typing.

280 characters later, I still didn’t explain why I left.

Be mine… is a lazy, desperate way to say you’re in love, or just really drunk and trying to get someone to take you to the movies.

Be mine… I’m not asking for much. Just a pizza and a Netflix subscription.

Be mine… before I start crying in the corner again.

Be mine… I’ll even stop using your printer.

280 ZX is the bra size of a woman who could probably lift a car and still look good doing it.

I’m 280 ZX and I still can’t find my keys.

My bra size is 280 ZX. My confidence is 280 ZX squared.

I wear 280 ZX and still fit into my mom’s old jeans.

A 280 is like a Liar-in-Chief’s tweet, it’s a big, ugly, lie that makes you feel like you just swallowed a whole plate of spaghetti.

"I did nothing wrong.", said the man who just got caught stealing candy from a baby.

I posted a 280 and it felt like I was yelling at a wall.

That 280 was worse than my ex’s last text.

A 280 is what a chubby chaser says when they’re looking for a girl who’s got curves and a personality, not just a pair of pants.

280? No. I’m 285 and I’m still not impressed.

She’s 280? I thought she was 300.

I only like girls who are 280, I can’t handle more than that.

A 280 is a collection of cars that are so cool, they make your neighbor’s garage look like a toy box.

My 280 is parked outside my house. It’s not a car, it’s a lifestyle.

That 280 costs more than my rent and my pride.

I drive a 280 and I still can’t afford a decent coffee.