Pakia

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A pale, clueless foreigner who thinks they own the land. Usually a Brit who doesn’t know how to cook a proper hangi.

'That Pakia thinks he can just take our land and call it a day!'

'I asked him for help with my hangi, and he tried to use a microwave.'

'He said he’s from the UK, but he can’t even spell 'kai' right.'

A white man who acts like he’s been here forever. Probably has no idea what a taniwha is.

'That Pakia says he’s been here for years, but he still uses a fork.'

'He tried to scare me with a taniwha, and I laughed in his face.'

'He says he’s part Maori, but he can’t even pronounce my name right.'

A pale, loud, and obnoxious white man who thinks he’s cool. Usually has a terrible sense of fashion.

'That Pakia showed up in a suit and tried to be cool. It didn’t work.'

'He said he was here for the culture, but he just wanted to take photos.'

'He wore a shirt with a kiwi on it, and it was upside down.'

A white man who thinks he’s the king of the land. Usually has no idea what a hongi is.

'That Pakia said he was going to be king, but he couldn’t even do a hongi right.'

'He tried to claim the land, but he forgot to bring the kai.'

'He said he was the king, but he got lost on the way to the meeting house.'

A pale, clumsy, and annoying white man who thinks he’s got it all figured out. Usually has no idea what a pōwhiri is.

'That Pakia tried to do a pōwhiri, but he just stood there and said 'hello'.'

'He said he was here for the pōwhiri, but he brought a sandwich.'

'He tried to talk to the elders, but he just asked for more kai.'