painfully straight

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A person who thinks they’re the only one who can be flirty, but still doesn’t get why someone is trying to kiss their ass.

'Why are you staring at me like that?' 'I don't know. I just feel weird.'

'You smiled at me three times this week.' 'Oh, I guess I’m just being friendly.'

'You called me cute in a group chat.' 'I thought that was just a typo.'

They’re so straight they think being flirty is a crime and still don’t get why someone’s trying to make them blush.

'You winked at me in the hallway.' 'I thought that was just my eye twitch.'

'You said I had nice hair.' 'Oh, thanks. I guess I’m just being polite.'

'You followed me to the coffee shop.' 'I thought you were lost.'

They’re so straight they think someone is just being weird when they’re clearly trying to get them into bed.

'You texted me twice this week.' 'I thought that was just a coincidence.'

'You asked me about my weekend.' 'Oh, I just wanted to be friendly.'

'You gave me a compliment in front of everyone.' 'I thought that was just normal conversation.'