Paige Newell

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Paige is like a fag who got hit by a truck and a firework at the same time. She’s ugly enough to make a dog cry and a cat run for its life.

Paige walked in, and the room went silent. It was like a horror movie started in the middle of a math test.

I saw Paige at the mall and immediately texted my mom: 'I’m not coming home.'

My dog ran out of the house when Paige walked by. He’s never been scared of anything before.

Paige is the human version of a trash can that someone forgot to empty. She’s got more eyes than a spider and smells like a dead rat in a gym sock.

Paige came into class, and the teacher said, 'Today’s lesson is on the meaning of life.'

I saw Paige in the grocery store and immediately bought a whole bag of trash bags.

My brother tried to talk to Paige. He now lives in a trash can.

Paige is the reason why the circus fired its most famous act. She’s got more diseases than a raccoon in a landfill and eats people for breakfast.

Paige showed up at the circus, and the crowd ran screaming. It was like a horror movie and a nightmare all at once.

My neighbor tried to date Paige. Now he’s missing three fingers and a toe.

Paige once ate my dad’s sandwich. It was the last time he ever ate a sandwich.