paganism

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1
A fancy word for people who worship trees, rocks, and their own bad decisions. They don’t follow any rules and just make stuff up as they go.
My aunt thinks the moon is a goddess and blames my dog for the full moon.
My brother tried to become a pagan because he failed algebra.
My mom says the internet is a god and it’s judging her.
2
A religion that loves nature but hates the idea of a devil. Christians made that up to feel important.
My friend’s pagan group thinks the sun is a god and the moon is a goddess. They don’t like Christmas.
My neighbor tried to summon a tree and it just yelled at him.
My cousin’s pagan group thinks the wind is a god and it’s been telling her to quit smoking.
3
The act of being pagan. It’s like being a religious hippie who thinks everything has a spirit.
My cousin tried to be pagan and now he talks to his plants.
My brother said the coffee machine is a god and it’s been giving him bad advice.
My friend’s pagan group thinks the toaster has a soul and it’s been cheating on her.
4
A group of religions that worship many gods. They’re mostly old religions that didn’t have a ‘devil’ to fight.
My friend’s pagan group thinks the ocean is a god and it’s been telling her to stop eating ice cream.
My brother said the god of tacos is real and he’s been getting free food.
My mom’s pagan group thinks the fridge is a god and it’s been giving her bad advice.
5
The opposite of a proper wasteman. A proper wasteman is someone who throws everything away and doesn’t care about anything.
My friend said pagans are the opposite of a proper wasteman and now he’s arguing with his trash can.
My brother’s pagan group thinks the trash can is a god and it’s been judging him.
My mom said pagans are like proper wastemen but with more gods and fewer rules.
6
The personality of a pagan. It’s like being a weird person who thinks everything has a soul and doesn’t like being told what to do.
My friend’s pagan group thinks the microwave has a soul and it’s been giving her bad advice.
My brother said the god of pizza is real and it’s been telling him to eat more.
My mom’s pagan group thinks the blender is a god and it’s been telling her to stop making smoothies.
7
A word that means a group of people who follow different religions, like Wicca, Hinduism, or ancient Egypt. Some of them don’t even believe in gods, but they’re still called pagans.
My friend’s pagan group thinks the god of TikTok is real and it’s been giving her bad advice.
My brother said the god of video games is real and it’s been telling him to play more.
My mom’s pagan group thinks the god of Netflix is real and it’s been telling her to watch more shows.
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