padmesh

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a brainy ancient Indian legend who could beat your dumb ass at math and still look good doing it

That padmesh could solve my math test and still laugh at me like I was a baby.

I asked him for help and he said I was a disgrace to the human race.

He looked at my math problem and said I was gonna fail and he was gonna cry about it.

the main guy who gets all the girls while being a big black dude with purple lips and still somehow being the best

Paddy got the girl and I was left with a burger and a sad face.

He got the girl even though he had purple lips and I thought he was a monster.

Paddy got the girl and I had to settle for a pizza and a life of regret.