paddlefoot

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A washed-up old man who drinks so much he can't walk straight and flails his feet in the river like a drunk toddler with no self-respect.

I saw paddlefoot last night. He fell into the river and tried to swim like a man who still knows how to float.

Paddlefoot showed up at the bar and tried to order a drink with his feet.

He was paddlefooting again today. I swear he peed in the river.

A man who's so wasted he thinks the river is a cocktail and kicks his feet in it like it's a dance-off.

Paddlefoot showed up at the park and started yelling at the ducks like they were his ex-wife.

He tried to paddlefoot on the lake, but the boat sank.

I saw him on the river, yelling 'This is my drink!' at the water.

A man who drinks so much he can't stand up and kicks his feet in the water like he's trying to impress a fish.

Paddlefoot was on the river, screaming at the sunset like it owed him money.

He tried to paddlefoot in the river and fell in. Now he's stuck there.

He showed up at the bar, still paddlefooting, and asked for a drink in the river.