Pacific Beach surfer

He tried to talk to me about philosophy. I asked him if he had a brain. He said, 'No, but I got a good tan.'

He said he was going to college. I said, 'Cool. What's your major?' He said, 'Surfing.'

He told me he had a girlfriend. I asked if she was a real person. He said, 'No, she's just my Instagram.'

He said, 'I invented surfing.' I said, 'Cool. When's the patent coming through?'

He told me he was in a commercial. I asked if it was on TV. He said, 'No, it was on my phone.'

He walked past me and said, 'You’re not even worth looking at.' I said, 'You’re not even worth breathing.'

He said, 'I’m the best surfer in the world.' I said, 'Cool. You’re also the worst human being I’ve ever met.'

He tried to surf my wave. I said, 'You’re not even a real surfer.' He said, 'I am. I just don’t like you.'

He told me he was going to be a surfer forever. I said, 'Cool. You’re going to be a surfer for the rest of your life. Which is like, five minutes.'