Pacher

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A human-shaped blob that sleeps through the apocalypse and still doesn’t wake up until someone throws a pizza at him.

I saw Pacher snoring in the middle of a zombie attack. He didn’t even flinch.

My mom said Pacher would rather eat dirt than get up for breakfast.

He slept through the fire alarm, the nuclear bomb, and the final boss of the video game.

A guy who takes other guys' manhood and stuffs it in a blender for no reason.

Pacher walked into the gym and the whole team ran out screaming.

He turned my dad into a hairless chicken just for fun.

He took my brother’s confidence and turned it into a soup.

A god who doesn’t want to be a god but still gets everything. He’s like the king of the universe, but he’s also the one who forgot to do his laundry.

Pacher didn’t even blink when he created the moon. He just said, ‘Sure, why not?’

He turned the sun into a toaster just because he wanted breakfast.

He’s so good at everything, even the ants bow to him.