observacious

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the habit of watching everything like a hawk with a sore ass and a full bladder

I’ve been observacious since I saw my dad eating three sandwiches at once.

She noticed the teacher’s tattoo and the fact he had a sneaker on his head.

He watched the whole lunch period just to see if anyone would throw a muffin at a kid.

when you're so focused on looking at stuff that you forget to breathe and your pants start to smell

He was observacious enough to notice the glitter on the principal’s nose but not the smoke in the hallway.

She counted every hair on the dog’s head and still didn’t notice her mom’s new tattoo.

He saw the kid’s shoelace untied but didn’t notice his own pants were on fire.

being so good at noticing stuff that you can spot a fart in a crowd of screaming monkeys

He saw the teacher’s secret coffee stash before the bell even rang.

She noticed the kid’s elbow was in the soup and the principal’s hair was on fire.

He spotted the pencil that fell behind the desk before it even hit the floor.

when you look at everything so much that you start talking to stuff and it starts talking back

He talked to the clock and it told him the time before he asked.

She whispered to the pencil and it started drawing a portrait of her.

He asked the trash can if it wanted a nap and it said no.

the art of seeing everything and making everyone else feel like they're invisible

He watched every kid in the class and made them feel like ghosts.

She noticed the teacher’s sneaker and made the whole class laugh about it.

He saw the kid’s homework and didn’t even look at his own.