obaed

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1
He’s the kind of guy who thinks ‘Netflix and chill’ means you’re gonna end up in his bed. He’s got the charm of a used car salesman and the confidence of a guy who’s slept with half your class.
He asked me to hang out and said, 'We can just chill.' I got home and his bed was already warm.
He told me, 'I don’t need to ask you, you’ll just end up here anyway.'
He came over for ‘chill’ and ended up sleeping in my closet.
2
He’s the biggest, hottest man ever. Girls pass out just thinking about him. He’s like a hot dog at a football game, everyone wants a piece.
My cousin saw him and fainted. She was still out when I got home.
He walked into the room, and my friend’s phone dropped. She was like, 'That’s it? He didn’t even say hi.'
He looked at me, and I almost passed out in my math class.
3
A Nigerian guy who acts tough but runs like a scared chicken when anything goes wrong. He’s the kind of guy who screams, ‘I’m not scared!’ then hides behind a couch.
He yelled, ‘I’m not afraid of you!’ then hid behind the fridge when the dog barked.
He said he’d fight me. I said, ‘Okay.’ He ran out the door like I was a dragon.
He told me he was the toughest guy ever. I showed him a dog, and he ran like a coward.
4
When someone is being a pain and making things complicated at the same time. Like trying to solve a math problem while your brain is on fire.
She was trying to explain the problem, but she kept changing the numbers. I was like, ‘Just give me the answer!’
He was talking about his day, but he added 10 different side stories. I just wanted to die.
She asked me a question, and then she added 10 more. I was like, ‘Are you trying to kill me?’
5
A tough guy who’s like a superhero. He can beat up anyone. He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t just fight, he wins.
He fought my cousin and won. My cousin cried and said, ‘He’s the baddest badman ever.’
He challenged me to a fight, and I ran away like a chicken.
He said, ‘I don’t mess with no one.’ Then he beat up my brother like it was nothing.
6
The best drink ever. It’s like magic. If you haven’t had it, you’ve lived a sad life. It tastes like happiness and it’s made of awesome.
I drank oba and felt like I could fly. My friend just sat there like a zombie.
She said, ‘I’ve never had anything this good.’ I said, ‘That’s because you’ve never had oba.’
He drank oba and started dancing. I thought he was going to break the table.
7
An ugly Asian girl who cries like a baby and breathes like she’s trying to run a marathon. She’s the kind of person who makes you want to take a nap.
She walked into the room and started crying. I was like, ‘Did someone die?’
She breathed like she was gasping for air. I thought she was going to faint.
She cried for 10 minutes straight. I was like, ‘Are you trying to kill me?’
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