nailversary

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A party where you brag about how long you’ve been getting your nails done by the one person who still understands your mood

I’ve been going to Lisa for 5 years. That’s 5 years of no drama and perfect polish.

My nails are my pride. Lisa’s my salvation.

I wouldn’t show my face at a nailversary if Lisa died.

When you throw a fit because your favorite nail tech took a break and you’re mad enough to start a war

When Sarah went on vacation, I cried. I cried real tears.

I texted her 17 times. She didn’t reply. I got my nails done at a gas station.

I came to her house with a cake and a peace sign. She wouldn’t take it.

A fancy way of saying you’ve been getting your nails done by the same person for so long you’ve forgotten what your hands looked like before

I haven’t seen my hands since 2018. They look like they’ve been through a war.

I got my nails done today. I think I forgot how to breathe.

I know my hands better than my ex. My ex is dead.

A celebration that only matters if you got your nails done by the person who knows your name and your secrets

I wouldn’t go to a nailversary if it was free. I’d go to Lisa’s house and cry.

My nails are my confessions. Lisa is my priest.

If Lisa didn’t know my secrets, I’d be dead.

A big deal you make about how long you’ve been getting your nails done by the only person who still likes you

I’ve been going to Alex for 10 years. That’s 10 years of no drama and hot pink polish.

If Alex left me, I’d leave the planet.

I showed up at her house with a cake. She gave me a discount.

A party you throw when your favorite nail tech is still alive and you’re still getting your nails done by them

I threw a nailversary because Lisa is still alive and my nails look like a masterpiece.

If Lisa died, I’d die with her. I’d leave my nails in the coffin.

I got my nails done for the party. They look like they were painted by God.