Nailing 50 yarders

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The only way old men know how to have sex and not get caught.

My grandpa says he nailed 50 yarders at the park. I think he means the bench.

He texted me: 'Nailed 50 yarders today. No one saw me. I’m a legend.'

He DM’d me: 'Don’t tell my wife I nailed 50 yarders at the mall.'

When old men do the horizontal hustle and pretend it’s just a game.

He told me: 'I nailed 50 yarders and won the game.' I said, 'You didn’t win, you just got lucky.'

He posted: 'Nailed 50 yarders. My legs are on fire.'

He said, 'Nailing 50 yarders is like playing chess… but with your pants off.'

The only time old men don’t look like they’re dying in the middle of the day.

He said, 'Nailed 50 yarders. I feel like I’m 20 again.' I said, 'You’re 60, you just pretend.'

He texted: 'Nailed 50 yarders. Now I can walk again.'

He told me, 'I nailed 50 yarders and now my pants are stuck to me.'

When old men try to be young and fail, but still call it a win.

He said, 'Nailed 50 yarders. I failed, but I still got a medal.'

He texted: 'Nailed 50 yarders. I tripped, but it was worth it.'

He said, 'Nailing 50 yarders is like falling off a cliff. You just hope you land on your feet.'

The only thing old men talk about when they’re not pretending to be dead.

He said, 'Nailed 50 yarders. I think I broke my back.'

He DM’d me: 'Nailed 50 yarders. I now have a new nickname: The Yarder.'

He told me, 'Nailing 50 yarders is like eating a whole pizza by yourself.'